tfln | Poison Paradise Vault

June 2, 2010

(+06): it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn’t HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever.. TFLN

→

May 29, 2010

(+44): it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl. TFLN

→

May 26, 2010

(310): If I’m going to go gay, i’m not going to go for a tiny dick. TFLN

→

May 22, 2010

(847): Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I’d like a moment of silence. (708): May it rest in peace. TFLN

→

(903): Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.

(416): He looked at me and said “Last call” before putting his penis away into his boxers.

(208): Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that’s studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I’ll take it.

(902): i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..

(616): So I’m looking through your google history on your laptop and you have ‘is ketchup even remotely nutritious’ and ‘alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol’. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.

(641): Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that’s what it would look like.

(419): Why is your signature on my underwear?

(647): I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I’m telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS.

(434): He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.

(856): Honestly, I don’t care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.

(816): Absence makes the cock grow harder.

(914): Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS.

(720): Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you.

(973): So there’s dick imprints in the peanut butter.

(760): when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.

(408): Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this.

(630): He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.

(484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.

(828): you will always have a special place in my vag.

(678): I’ve come to realize time passes slowest when I’m sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

(864): I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was

(714): Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn’t know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.

(314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee.

(913): he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.

(509): He’s very warm and cuddly, that’s my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.